Geoff
First Appearance: #1

Simon
First Appearance: #2

Baron Vordoth
First Appearance: #6

Renard the "Bandit King"
First Appearance: #15

Pierre the Dwarf
First Appearance: #19

The younger and more naïve of our two heroes (can we really call them that?). He was hired as a castle guard despite the fact that he can't remember ever winning a fight his whole life. What he lacks in combat ability, he makes up for in his uncanny ability to say the wrong thing at the worst possible time, often resulting in severe beatings. He's sensitive about the pronunciation of his first name (sample line: "It's Geoff. Geoff, not 'Gee-off'! Rhymes with 'Beff!'")

Older and definitely more experienced, Simon can handle himself well in a fight. Although he can be cynical at times, he's pretty serious about what he does. He met Geoff when they were on guard duty together at the Baron's fortress. He'll defend his friend in most cases, but from time to time, he just likes to stand back in awe of the man's sheer stupidity. Simon definitely has the whole "warrior's pride" thing going on. As for his past, he doesn't like to talk about it much. Asking him usually involves lost tempers followed by lost consciousness.

 

He is the late ruler of the Milar Woodland Realm as well as Simon and Geoff's former employer, who now lives on only through flashbacks. A powerful sorcerer with a definitive mastery of the black arts, the Baron was a force to be reckoned with, despite his penchant for being a bit stereotypical. I think this guy got the short end of the stick in this story. I mean I sympathize with him. He lived in a castle filled with half-naked men. If I was in his place, I'd be pretty desperate for female companionship myself.

In relation to the main characters: He gets himself thoroughly blown up before the first episode. Neither of the two protagonists have any idea how it happened, but every so often, they come up with little scenarios to try to explain it (usually they have to get pretty plastered first).

 

 

 

Renard, highwayman extraordinaire. Most gallant of theives. Undisputed master of armed and unarmed combat. Feared by men. Adored by women. Truly a legend in his own time. At least, that's what he thinks. In reality, he's a wandering idoit who "robs" anyone who passes his part of the forest. He carries a fencing foil, but his combat knowledge is limited to which end to hold and which end to stab with, and sometimes he'll still confuse the two. He'd like to speak with a french accent, but he mostly just slips simple french words into conversations.

In relation to the main characters: Simon, in a fit of frustration beats the living tar out of him. Impressed (and semi-conscious), Renard offers the two of them high-paying jobs as part of his gang of bandits. They accept, and spend the remainder of the week wishing they hadn't

 

Pierre is a dwarf. For the purposes of my story, dwarves are not humans with genetic abnomalities, but a fading race of surly, subterranean short people (think Lord of the Rings, without me being sued). Pierre (not his real name) is in the employ of Renard, the self-proclaimed "King of Bandits". As a gentleman's gentleman, Pierre handles the tasks that Renard is not suited for, like thinking. Pierre speaks with an English accent that is as refined as it is condescending.

In relation to the main characters: Pierre spends his time either insulting Geoff or trying not to give Simon a reason to decapitate him.